Night out

“Im not going to drink too much” I say to myself as I pick up the bottle from the liquor store. Im salivating at the thought of the cool Hennessy hitting my lips. It’s going to be great. I don’t know who I’m going out with and who will answer the phone. I don’t care though. I’m going out tonight and I’m going to pretend my life isn’t in absolute shambles. That I don’t live with my mom in my childhood bedroom. That I’m not a 23 year old dropout from college with a DUI. That I’m not boarding the bus after riding it 35 minutes to the liquor store to get a bottle with the last of my cash. Everything is fine.

I’m not sorry yet because I’m still running from my problems. I can outsmart the drugs and the alcohol. I’ll just keep going and learn how to control it and then I’ll be normal. I’ve been kicked out of 3 outpatient programs. My mom cried the night I got my DUI. I’ve been to detox already and got right back out that night. I woke up with a throbbing hangover, no friends, no license, no prospects. Everything is fine. It’s still a joke. I don’t care what everyone thinks I have a hold of it

I get home and I’m ready to pregame. I say hi to my mom and stepdad. They greet me and ask what I’m Doing. I lie and tell them I went to some job interviews. My hands are shaking because I’m so excited for the drink. I grab my Coke Zero from the fridge with a cup of ice. I go downstairs and sit on my floor as the sun goes down. It’s winter outside and I’m sweating bullets from the anticipation and detox. I crack the seal and my mouth waters. It’s only a pint so I have to make sure I go out because that’s only enough for pre game.

I’m texting and listening to music. I’m going out tonight. “Hey you wanna hit the bars?” No answer. “Hey what’s up bro you busy?” No answer. My bridges are burnt. The last friend I had sent me home in an uber because I tried to fight their brother on his birthday after he asked for a drag of my cigarette. I’m alone. I just don’t know I’m alone yet. The alcohol is in me and I’m the life of the party. I’m going out tonight and I’m so excited. I have a trap mix in full swing sitting on the floor of my childhood bedroom. Drunk and dancing by myself. I’d better get ready in case someone texts back.

It’s 12:46 am. I haven’t eaten. I stole a bottle of wine from my mom’s cabinet and I’m still thirsty. I’d better be slower because someone is for sure going to text me back. The girl I hung out with maybe? The one who looked embarrassed when I ordered a 4th whiskey and Coke in 25 minutes? Maybe her. She’s cute. She seemed happy I think. I don’t remember because she went to the bathroom and I lost her so I took a cab home. Probably just a coincidence. I’m excited to go out

It’s 4am. I’m eating a cold slice of pizza. I’m excited but I fell down the stairs going to grab the food. My side hurts. I’d better put some ice on it. Someone’s gonna call me to hit the after’s soon. They can’t party without me cause I’m the one that makes it fun. Last time I was there I danced the hardest. I broke that table at Dylan’s house it was so funny. I woke up the next day with texts from him that I didn’t read. I just asked him to come drink with me. Maybe he’s out of town we haven’t talked in weeks.

It’s 6am. I’m too tired. I’ll have to tell everyone I fell asleep. In case they text me back. I check my phone. No new messages. I’m not going out but it’s my choice. I have to go to sleep.